Six Words, Much Quoted, New Twist

It seems lately that everyone is quoting Ernest Hemingway’s shortest short story, “For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn.” Last week, I was listening to NPR while driving, and heard an interview with editor Larry Smith from the online magazine Smith. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/today/
reports/misc/sixwordlife_20080205.shtml)

He has capitalized on Hemingway’s idea by inviting people to post their own “Six Word Memoirs” and compiling them into a book called, “Not Quite What I Was Planning.” At the end of the interview, callers to the show shared some of their own ideas, and several were very clever.

As I drove along, I tried to think of a few of my own and realized that for some reason, all of mine rhymed. Since February fourteenth is fast approaching, it occurred to me that I could incorporate the discipline of limiting oneself to six words into writing a Valentine’s Day poem for my husband.

It didn’t take long: “Married you, had two, love true.”

That was fun, so I thought of a few more that could hypothetically be appropriate for the season: “Like fate, first date, was great.” “Cute guy, oh my, feeling shy.”

Tiring of that, I started to think of a few less appropriate ones: “First date, arrived late, not great.” “Pretty girl, marriage whirl, baby Pearl.”

Which quickly degenerated to: “Divorced date, much freight, some hate.” “Big date, why wait, let’s mate.”

And then one inspired by my having to brake fast: “Fat squirrel, tail curl, brown fur-l.” (No, I didn’t hit him.)

But enough of mine. I would love to see other people’s ideas for six word rhyming Valentine’s Day poems. If you think of one and would like to share, please post it in the comments section.

I’m done, had fun, gotta run. 🙂

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Great Expectations

When my sons were very little, both of them had an allergy to cow’s milk. We were assured that they would outgrow it, and they eventually did, but for a while we lived in solidarity, milk free. I frequently told my husband that the first thing I wanted to eat when we could have milk again was a pizza, dripping with cheese.

The night we finally ordered it, I was almost salivating when it arrived. Biting into it, I have never been more disappointed in my life. It wasn’t bad, but not anywhere near as good as I remembered. I recall questioning why people even ate pizza.

A few years earlier, when my husband and I were still living in Arizona, we were invited to my in-laws’ for dinner one evening. All that my mother-in-law, Arlene, wanted to talk about was an upcoming Barry Manilow concert. It was basically going to be a dry run for his soon-to-premiere Las Vegas show, and she didn’t want to miss it.

Coincidentally, that afternoon I had heard about a radio contest for tickets to that very show. Only half-joking, I said that I would win her a pair. The next day, when the D.J. announced the contest, I picked up the phone and started dialing. Miraculously, I did win the tickets and excitedly called Arlene to tell her what a wonderful daughter-in-law I was.

Much to my chagrin, she had already gone out and purchased a pair. Not only that, but her tickets were directly opposite mine, in exactly the same row; I couldn’t even offer her better seats. To make matters worse, she became enamored of the idea that my husband and I would be able to join them.

I’ve never had anything against Barry Manilow, but this was not my idea of a good time. My mother-in-law tends to be rather pushy tenacious, though, and I knew that we were doomed. On the evening of the concert, I put a book in my purse to keep from getting bored, and we got into the backseat of my father-in-law’s Crown Victoria. My husband assumed a philosophical stance, but I was seriously dreading two straight hours of Muzak.

At the Convention Center, we took our respective seats and my mother-in-law waved at us from the other side of the auditorium. I pulled out my book, concerned that the lighting wouldn’t be adequate after the show started.

It wasn’t. But after about ten seconds, I didn’t care. The concert was GREAT!!! From the moment that Barry took the stage until the confetti cannons exploded during the finale, I had the best time I’ve ever had at a concert, and I’ve seen The Rolling Stones. That man can put on a show!

With that in mind, before I sent out my first query letter, I decided that instead of hoping for a spot on the New York Times Bestseller List, I would be happy to net $10,000. Then I learned a few things about the publishing world, realized even that was overly optimistic, and adjusted my hopes to $2,000. Since then, I’ve gone from assuming I’d be published to just hoping for responses to my queries. 

It all boils down to expectations. Mine were way too high for the pizza, and unwittingly low for Barry Manilow. I have eaten plenty of pizzas since, and have realized that I enjoy them much more when I am not anticipating unattainable greatness. It just depends on how you look at things.

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The Sound of Music

I used to take voice lessons. Working for a few years between high school and college, I had been looking for something new to do. I have always liked to sing, I enjoy performing and I can carry a tune, so it seemed like a good fit. It turned out that the lessons were fun, but the practicing wasn’t, so I never went beyond the realm of teacher recitals.

At the recitals, I would get to meet my teacher’s other students, who ranged in age from 14 to 65. The younger ones were mostly on track to become college voice majors, the elder folk pursuing unfulfilled dreams.

These recitals took place every six months. The teenagers came and went, but the older crowd stayed pretty much the same. Two that always stood out were an aging Irish tenor with stage fright, and a nun with thick red hair and glasses, who had a non-nun identical twin that came to hear her Sister sing.

The nun was my ace in the hole. Although when I was at home in the shower, I secretly felt that I could blow them all away with my wonderful voice, my main (and much more realistic) concern at the recital was of not being the worst. I had a theory that no one would remember my potentially lame performance if someone else’s was less pleasing. The problem in determining that was that it is very hard to judge how you sound when you are the one singing. Listening to the others, I was never positive that any of them was worse than I until the nun took the stage. A sour note always sticks out, and she had those aplenty.

Writing is like singing in the shower. Privately I think I’m decent, but when I am online and see what other pre-published authors are writing, I am never sure how mine compares. Everyone thinks that theirs is good. Some of them are right, but what about me?

I have seen published works that I know are worse than my stuff, and that gives me hope. I may not be the best, but I certainly am not the worst. I also have a new theory: If you like to write, do it, but don’t give up your day job until it sells.

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Finding the Right Word

One problem that authors sometimes face is not being in the mood to write. Sometimes, you just need to clear the mental carburetors, and goofing off helps.  I indulged in a little procrastination yesterday, and today am feeling much more motivated.

As a public service, I’ve created a word find for other writers who find themselves in need of a little distraction. There are 24 words, things that all authors need, and are forwards, backwards, diagonal, horizontal and vertical.
a
There are no prizes, it’s just a time waster. Have fun!

a
Q U E R Y L N F C V B G R A M M A R K A T
E R E U E A P X E P E U J G E V W O R Q I
H O O K B P L C G E N R E J X O P H E C P
S T P I L T Z R W R D J I L O C Y T P O I
B I T H O O Q I R S I B P E I A I U Y N R
R D I Q G P A T I E N C E D H B G A R N W
E E M W X G R I T V U Y G C Q U Z E X E M
V L I N M K M Q I E P A O S K L D K N C O
D I S A V V Y U N R L R U A Z A Y G R T T
A O M L Y U D E G E G O K E E R D V H F S
E T H I C K S K I N S A S R Y Y B L P V O
W P J P W O P R O C R A S T I N A T I O N
B Y K Z Q P T C R E A T I V I T Y X T Q P

a
QUERY

HOOK

PATIENCE

WRITING

EGO

LAPTOP

FEEDBACK

THICKSKIN

CREATIVITY

PERSEVERENCE

OPTIMISM

AUTHOR         

CRITIQUE

PROCRASTINATION

VOCABULARY

GRAMMAR

AGENT

EDITOR

READER

BLOG

AQCONNECT 

SAVVY

ADVERBS

GENRE

P.S. I had to make my blog roll invisible so that the grid wouldn’t be obscured. It will be back tomorrow.

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Sorry…

Got busy today… will post tomorrow.

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Say What?

There has been much hype regarding the premiere of the final season of LOST, including a rumor that the White House actually changed the date of the State of the Union address so that people wouldn’t gripe about missing their favorite show.

I, for one, remain unmoved. I was game to watch the first season, willingly suspending disbelief as an unseen growly monster menaced the survivors, satisfied with glimpses into the characters’ pasts to explain their occasionally unlikely reactions. After awhile, though, the writers began asking just too much from me in that department, and I lost patience with the whole thing.

Frankly, if there is one thing that I cannot stand when watching a show or reading, it is preposterousness.

Yes, it’s a word:

preposterous |priˈpäst(ə)rəs|

adjective

contrary to reason or common sense; utterly absurd or ridiculous : a preposterous suggestion. See note at absurd .

DERIVATIVES

preposterously |priˈpɑst(ə)rəsli| |prəˈpɑst(ə)rəsli| adverb

preposterousness |priˈpɑst(ə)rəsnəs| |prəˈpɑst(ə)rəsnəs| noun

(The New Oxford American Dictionary)

Suspended disbelief is a standard requirement when reading fiction or watching a show, but more and more, it seems that writers are taking advantage of it. In their quest to create something edgy, they push the envelope into absurdity.

Inauthentic dialogue tops the list. Nothing is more annoying than having a character say things that no one would ever really say, or when a character speaks on and on without even an “um hmmmm,” from whomever is being spoken to. When what a character says is just absurd, the story loses its credibility and I no longer care about what happens. 

I also hate it when characters do things that no one would really do, or when a plot twist takes an unbelievable stretch. I was just watching a show last evening where a woman was opening her own beauty shop and kept getting hit with fines. That is certainly a plausible situation. My objection was to the fact that this was supposed to be a pseudo realistic portrayal (however clichéd) and the fines were for very silly things that no one would ever really be fined for. That was a channel changer.

The main component necessary to hook the reader/viewer is empathy. The development of this rests largely in the plausibility of a character’s reactions and responses. How can the reader/viewer hang in there when those responses are absurd? Even when, and perhaps especially if, a character is thrust into a magical world, their reactions need to seem authentic to sustain the reader/viewer’s willingness to go along with the plot. As far as I’m concerned, LOST lost that in the first season. 

This Tuesday night, instead of feeling vexed by LOST, I plan to drink a cup of lemon tea and nibble on a square of dark chocolate while I work on the next chapter of my work in progress. Which will involve psychologically plausible responses by all characters, no matter how unlikely the situations they find themselves in.

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Update on the Pitch Slam

In review, this was my pitch:

When Brian finds a box in the attic containing old newspaper clippings and a signet ring just like his grandfather’s, he realizes he’s stumbled across the family secret: Jack. Although Grandpa Jim has good reason to forget his identical twin, the past will continue to haunt him unless Brian can uncover what really happened.

JIM AND JACK is a YA contemporary with a historical twist and a splash of romance, the completed first novel in an outlined series of History Mysteries.

Well, I was passed on, but not in a bad way. The agent’s response was:

The conflict in this book feels too removed from the main character to make it seem exciting or dramatic. How can you bring the story into the forefront more? This isn’t quite historical, but it’s not quite contemporary either, so there’s a bit of a market problem.

Alas, she was right. Jack is actually the protagonist, and half of the book, including the first page, takes place in 1929 (landing the novel pretty squarely in the historical market), but I didn’t mention those things in the pitch.

While the results weren’t what I had hoped for, entering this contest was a productive experience. It didn’t net me an agent, but writing the pitch was time well spent. Her response resulted in my considering a new angle for my query letter, which will hopefully result in more requests.

Anyone know a good literary agent? 🙂

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See You On Monday…

Have a nice weekend!

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Once Upon a Time…

Pitch Fest at CJLA Update:

The agents are critiquing them today. So far, the agent is halfway through the second page and all but two have been (tactfully) rejected. Mine is on page four… I’ll let you know how things went on Monday.

 

Last week on Agent Query Connect http://agentquery.leveragesoftware.com/mypage.aspx there was a casual contest for members to write the best first paragraph of a brand new story. There was no prize other than personal satisfaction. Members were on the honor system to vote only once, and not for themselves.

This week, the contest has been extended to use that first paragraph as a springboard and write a whole first page. My paragraph didn’t even place in last week’s contest, but it’s really just for fun, so I’m going for page one.

What I wrote is not very exciting, because I’m fairly sure there’s going to be a ‘first chapter’ contest next time, and I like to pounce on the reader when they least expect it…

The first one to arrive at the dinner table, Matt sat down and picked up his fork. Mom was over by the stove transferring food from the pans to serving bowls, but he saw that the jello was already set out. Hungry, he snuck a peek to make sure that his mother’s back was still turned and then reached over to scoop up a forkful. Just before he popped it into his mouth, he noticed little squiggly brown things on the top.

“What’s in this jello?” he squawked.

“Oatmeal,” replied his mother. “I’m on a diet.”

Matt groaned. “Cholesterol?”

“See how much you’re learning?” she teased with a smile.

Charlie and Katie walked into the room and pulled out their chairs.

“Where’s Dad?” asked Charlie as their mother brought the food to the table.

“Working,” said Mrs. Smith, no longer smiling.

Matt looked at her with a frown. Dad had been working late a lot lately, and his mother didn’t seem too happy about it.

“What’s wrong with the jello?” Charlie was peering at the brown blobs.

Matt wasn’t feeling too happy, now himself. “It’s oatmeal. Shut up and eat.” He stabbed his fork at a lima bean and it shot off the plate onto the tablecloth.

His mother looked up. “Everything okay, Matt?”

“I don’t know. Is it?” he asked.

His mother frowned. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t know. Why is Dad working late all the time now?”

“Count your blessings he’s working at all, in this economy.”

Seven-year-old Katie looked over at her big brother. “You sure are grumpy,” she said.

Matt made a face at her and took a bite of his meatloaf.

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Pitch Contest at CJLA – Check It Out!

The Caren Johnson Literary Agency is holding an open Pitch Fest today.

They are looking for romance (urban fantasy, contemporary and historical), YA (contemporary and paranormal) and women’s fiction [Caren] and middle-grade and YA novels and series [Elana].

The pitch needs to be under 100 words, and submitted between 12:00 am and 11:59 pm. 

Check out the details at: http://www.johnsonliterary.com/blog/2010/1/25/pitchfest-details-and-instructions.html


Here’s mine:

When Brian finds a box in the attic containing old newspaper clippings and a signet ring just like his grandfather’s, he realizes he’s stumbled across the family secret: Jack. Although Grandpa Jim has good reason to forget his identical twin, the past will continue to haunt him unless Brian can uncover what really happened.

JIM AND JACK is a YA contemporary with a historical twist and a splash of romance, the completed first novel in an outlined series of History Mysteries.

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